The Will to Change

Many people seem to be unsatisfied with their life at the moment. People are always looking to fill the void in their life, whether it be with material possessions, television or drugs...

What is often missing though, and what keeps these people in this situation is an unwillingness to change. They find a level of comfort in life and see uncertainty and fear in becoming more then they are.

Often people say “It's just the way I am...”, or “I just can't do it...”, both self limiting beliefs. It seems that many people don't even believe that any change to themselves is possible!

Well, I'm here to tell you... Not only is change possible... It is inevitable! No-one is the same person that they were two years ago. No-one is even the same person that they were two minutes ago! Life is a cycle of perpetual change, and the only decision that you have to make is how you want to change...

I see it often, people that don't want to change. People desperately clinging to identities that they had years ago, when they thought their life was good. You can sometimes tell these people from their fashion sense, which becomes fixated on the period in their life when thins were going well. Often these people become very bitter in their old age, thinking that they have not changed for years while the world changes around them... but observers can see that of course they have changed as well... the effort of staying the “same” twisting their character...

So accepting that we can (must) change, what can we do about it? First of all we can recognise that what we do now is who we become later. Our actions leave an imprint on our mind. If we do something bad, and it goes well then we become more likely to do it in the future, ultimately making us into worse people. If we do something good then the same thing happens. We become more likely to do similar things in the future...

We can also start making more choices about where in our lives we want to change. Not happy with our career? Maybe educate ourselves to get a new one. Not happy with our relationships? Meet more people and make new ones!

We can also change our characters consciously over time. I have found that often all that is required is the conscious voicing of a desirable change. Once you speak something out like that the brain finds more and more ways to make it happen.

There are two things that will make this very powerful. One is phrasing your desire in positive terms; so not “I want to be less fat”, rather “I want to lose weight”. The second thing is to think this thing powerfully. It is kind of hard to explain this. But this phrase should be the only thing you think about for a few seconds... One way to do this is to repeat the phrase over and over again...

For example, I can be very introverted at times. I was always aware of this, and often wished that I was less introverted. However, this is a negative phrasing, so the desire never really manifested. When I thought about what I really wanted and simply thought “I want to be more sociable” the effect was immediate! The very next day I found myself making more of an effort to speak to other people without even having to think about it! Once I had phrased my desire in a positive light, and made sure that my mind knew that that is what I wanted, my subconscious automatically set to work making it happen!

So you see, once you have the will to change, it can happen almost by itself!

The Real Man Project - Genesis...

I've been hearing a lot about “Real Men” recently.

“I want a Real Man” and “Where have all the Real Men gone?” are phrases that most women seem to have said at some point. Women seem to know exactly what this means, even though they often have trouble articulating clearly exactly what the image is that is evoked in them by these two words...

Most men on the other hand don't have any clear idea what women mean when they say these things! The words “Real Man” mean as much to most men as the offside rule in soccer means to most women!

I have put a bit of thought into figuring out what women are getting at when they say these words, and here is my list of what a “Real Man” is...

What makes a Real Man is split up into two sections. The inside stuff and the outside stuff. First the inside...

A Real Man is calm, collected and confident. He is comfortable in his own skin, whether he is spending time alone, hanging with his friends, or meeting new people. In fact there isn't a situation that you can put him in that will make him uncomfortable. This isn't to say that he doesn't get nervous or scared, but he doesn't let the fear effect him, and acts in the face of it.

A Real Man is a leader. He is decisive. When it is time to make a decision, or take charge, he is willing to step up to the plate and do what needs to be done. He doesn't worry about making the wrong choice, or agonise for hours over which of two choices he prefers, when the time comes, he makes a choice and sticks with it. And if it turns out to have been the wrong choice he holds up his hands, takes responsibility and sets about making things right.

A Real Man has high self esteem. He respects himself and others. He is confident without being arrogant, and rightly so, because he knows that whatever situation is thrown at him he will handle it as best as he can, and even if he doesn't handle it perfectly he knows that he will have learned a lesson and the next time he handles the same situation he will handle it even better.

A Real Man takes action. If he sees something that needs doing he does it. If someone needs help and he has time and energy to give he will help them. He knows that the only true path to learning is through doing and doesn't sit around gathering knowledge and trying to be perfect before he tries to do anything.

A Real Man is motivated. He has a mission in life. He knows what he wants, where he is going and what to do to achieve these goals. He sets up smaller goals along the way, and congratulates himself every time he achieves one of these smaller goals on the way to the greater goal.

A Real Man is positive. He knows that people create their own reality and so he makes his reality a positive one to live in. He doesn't bring himself down with negative self talk. He may sometimes have days, when life throws him a curve ball, when he isn't on top of the world but when this happens he doesn't wallow in his self pity and he doesn't cling to his grief. He allows himself to feel it, allows it to wash through him, and then allows himself to get on with his life.

A Real Man has integrity. He is true to himself and he doesn't lie to others for his own benefit. He realises that telling the truth is the easiest option in all circumstances and he doesn't mind facing the consequences of doing this.

A Real Man is always learning. He recognises that life is a lesson for us, that all experiences, good and bad, are learning lessons. He knows that he is always changing, and strives to make the change a positive one all the time.

On the outside...

A Real Man has strong body language and posture. He carries himself all the time as if he has just won a gold medal in the Olympics and his national anthem is playing. He has a steady gaze, and is confidently expressive.

A Real Man speaks clearly and confidently. His voice carries as far as is needed without him having to shout. It is clear from his voice that he is in control. His voice comes from deep in his body and is rich and expressive.

A Real Man is well dressed and well groomed. He recognises that his personal appearance is the first impression that he gives to the world, and knows that this is very important. This doesn't mean that he is necessarily the height of fashion, but he pays attention to his clothes and takes care of them. Similarly he takes care of himself. His personal hygiene is impeccable and he makes sure that his nails are tidy and his hair is well styled.

Finally, a Real Man has a good balance in his life between work and leisure. He fills his life with activities and would never be content to live a life of routine. He may watch TV from time to time, but he chooses what he watches, and when the thing that he wants to watch is over, he will turn off the TV and do something else...

These are just a few of my thoughts of what constitutes a real man. I'd be very interested in your feedback. What have I missed? What have I gotten right or wrong? If you know me, how could I live up to this ideal better?

My mission in life is to move closer and closer to the ideal above, and maybe even to help others to get to this place, all with the intention of making the world a better place.